I wish i wasnt
by CarByFoReVeR
Summary: This is my 1st fic so pls go easy on me. CarBy. Its my version of "kisangani" what Abby is thinking while Carter is there. Pls r&r. Enjoy.. its sad fic...


Summary:: This is while Carter is in Africa and Abby is sitting at home missing Carter. I just thought of this while I was coming home from LA and I heard this song and it reminded me of the last season in ER By the way this is from Abby's POV  
  
I cry myself every day and every night thinking why he left like that. Why he left like this. I miss him so much! I hope he's home. He hasn't called, he hasn't wrote to me or said anything for the past couple of days. What is he's just there having fun with Luka and getting freaky with the other girls there!  
  
"I'm home alone again  
  
And you're out hanging with your friends  
  
So you say  
  
Somehow I know its not quite that way."  
  
I wonder if he misses me too..I hope he didn't have to go! I should've stopped him! I'm sitting here in living room pondering! Staring at the phone hoping that he'll call. All I want is to hear his voice to see if he's alright.  
  
"Its getting pretty late  
  
And you havent checked on me all day  
  
When I called you didnt answer  
  
Now Im feelin like youre ignorin me"  
  
I don't know where to call you so I don't know how to each you. You didn't leave any address. What should I do? I haven't slept for how many days because of this. What if he got hurt!? I wish he was home with me. Holding me.  
  
"I wish that you were home  
  
Holdin me tight in your arms  
  
And I wish I could go back  
  
To the day before we met  
  
And skip my regret".  
  
Sometimes I rethink our relationship. When you left you really hurt me. Every minute your not with me, it feels like braking a bone. What am I going to do now?  
  
"I wish I wasnt in love with you  
  
So you couldnt hurt me  
  
It just aint fair the way you treat me  
  
No, you dont deserve me.  
  
Wasted my time thinkin bout you  
  
And you aint never gon change  
  
I wish I wasnt in love with you  
  
So I wouldnt feel this way."  
  
I remember the times you were with me. I cherished and love those moments. I wish I could have them back. I wish everything will go back to normal. You here with me.. your arms wrapped around mine. I miss it. I miss you.  
  
"When you touch me my heart melts  
  
(And anything you did wrong I forgive) Yeah, yeah  
  
So you play me and take advantage  
  
Of the love that I feel for you"  
  
Did you leave because you wanted me to get mad at you? I don't understand why you left me here all alone. Thinking about what your doing there or what's happening to you. It's making me suffer.  
  
"Why you wanna hurt me so bad  
  
I believed in you thats why Im so mad  
  
Now Im drowning in disappointment  
  
And its hard for me to even look at you"  
  
If that's your plan, well its working. I'm hurt and missing you. I am so mad, I am so mad at you! What did I do to deserve this?? I TRY to give you everything.  
  
"I wish that you were home, oh, yes, I do  
  
Holdin me tight in your arms, ooh, baby  
  
And I wish I could go back  
  
To the day before we met  
  
And skip my regret."  
  
I wish I never loved you. I wish I never loved you this much. I wish I didn't miss you so much. You saved me, you gave me second chance in life. And I hate you for that!  
  
"I wish I wasnt in love with you  
  
So you couldnt hurt me (I dont wanna hurt no more)  
  
It just aint fair  
  
(It just aint fair, no) the way you treat me  
  
No, you dont desert me (You, you)  
  
Wasted my time thinkin bout you  
  
And you aint never gon change  
  
(You aint never gonna change)  
  
I wish I wasnt (I wasnt in love) in love with you  
  
So I wouldnt feel this way  
  
(I wouldnt feel this way)"  
  
You said you cared about me very much! If you did then why would you leave me here hanging waiting for you to come home? Now I feel like what you said was a lie. I don't think you care about me. Not anymore.  
  
"Said you care about me, but from what I see  
  
I aint feelin that, so I disagree  
  
Gave you all my love and understanding  
  
And you treated me like your enemy  
  
So leave me alone, dont bother to follow me  
  
Now just go back where you came from  
  
This house is no longer your home  
  
You are not welcome no, no, no more, no more".  
  
I wish I didn't feel this way about you. So I wouldn't be hurting this much. I wouldn't be crying too much.  
  
Suddenly I hear a knock on the door. I get up to see who it is..I see you. Standing in front of my door with the most beautiful flowers!  
  
"Hear you knockin at the door again  
  
Im wonderin should I let you in  
  
I open up the door and see  
  
The flowers for me, so beautiful in your hand  
  
You start beggin me to take you back  
  
Ive always been a sucker for romance  
  
And before you know it  
  
I could see it, youre all over me  
  
Oh, no, here I go again  
  
I wish I wasnt in love with you  
  
So you couldnt hurt me".  
  
You came in and gave me a hug. And gives me the best kiss ever! And say "I love you Abby, I will never leave you EVER again! I missed you so much!" Carter said. I just smiled and gave him another kiss. Still wondering what I should do.  
  
Song by: Heather Headley- I wish I wasn't. 


End file.
